I sometimes get responses to my “25 questions you should ask before death” because while some questions are very obvious, some may not be. Today, I am going to dig back in an elaborate.
1. What is your desire to have happen to your body? (cremated, buried or donated to science)
- this is important because it’s the final wish to your loved one. Some people are very afraid of being buried or cremated. It’s a personal choice and you need to know!
2. If buried, where do you wish to be buried?
-This is important and I’m going to give you a very good example as to why! My husband‘s mother purchased a plot for him! He told me he did NOT want to be buried there! He told me that if he is to be buried, he wanted to be buried in Hyden, Kentucky. When I told him that I’m not comfortable with him so far from me, he told me to cremate him.
3. If you are cremated, do you want to have your ashes split in any way or made into anything?
- Some people don’t like to be split up but sometimes, people like the things that can be made from ashes. Randy for instance wanted to be made into an artful ash.
4. Is it your wish for your organs to be donated (if possible)?
- important! Know you loved one‘s wishes! Knowing this piece can save another life!
5. Do you want a funeral?
-some people don’t want one. Some people don’t care either way.
6. Where do you want your funeral to take place?
-your spouse may have a specific place they wish to have you bid farewell.
7. What kind of casket do you wish to have?
-some people don’t care but some people may have a color preference.
8. Do you wish to have an open or closed casket?
-not everyone wants to be seen.
9. Is there anything in particular that you would like to be wearing at your funeral?
-this is a question I failed to ask my husband. I wish I had but I have a feeling he would have told me to use my best judgment. Sometimes people will have a specific outfit choice in mind.
10. Are there any photos in particular that you would like displayed at your funeral?
- there are sometimes special photos that your loved one may wish to display
11. Do you want flowers at your funeral? If so, what kind and what color?
-not everyone wants flowers or sees the need. Often it’s seen as a wasteful expense. Some have certain flowers in certain colors that they love
12. Are there any scripture verses you want to have read at your funeral?
-some scriptures mean so much to certain people.
13. Is there anything in particular that you would like to have in your funeral programs?
-something I failed to ask Randy although I am happy about what I chose. There are so many examples online for you to see.
14. Are there any special songs that you wish to have played at your funeral?
-Again, failed to ask Randy. There were 4 songs I needed to pick. Does your person have songs that mean a lot to them?
15. Who do you want to speak at your funeral?
-important!! there may be someone that they don’t want to speak!
16. Is there anyone that you don't want at your funeral?
- IMPORTANT! There could very well be someone that they don't want in attendance or speaking.
17. Who do you want to make decisions about your care in the event that you are no longer able to make decisions for yourself?
-Im going to be blunt, you MAY not be the best person to make end of life decisions. Why do I say that? Because i knew that my husband would not be able to pull the plug on me. He would want to hang onto me. I needed a POA that would honor my wishes even though it would be hard. He understood. I could honor his wishes because I know what it’s like to have limited quality of life. He knew this had nothing to do with a level of love for him. This is hard but this is necessary!
18. In the event that you are on life support, how many days do you wish to be on it before you want me to pull the plug?
Important question! Just ask it. Not everyone wants to be on life support or in a coma for 10 years.
19. In the event that your quality of life would be greatly reduced, do you want to be kept alive?
- not everyone wants to live a life that is beneath what they can handle.
20. If it came to it, would you like to be in an in-patient hospice facility or have home hospice care?
-SUPER IMPORTANT!!! While there is no difference in level of care, some want to be home.
21. Would you like me to allocate any money to anyone or anything in particular?
-again, important! No one wants the battle after the passing! People get greedy after the loss of a loved one and it is easier to know if you would want someone to have anything at all.
22. Could you write down a list of your passwords so that I can access the necessary profiles and accounts in the event of your passing?
-I knew most of them but there’s one I can’t seem to access. Had I asked, I wouldn’t be struggling.
23. How long would you like me to continue to wear my rings?
- I am thankful I had this conversation. Many widows feel guilty for taking them off because society sometimes expects it. Randy and I decided to wear them for as long as we live. I never wanted to disrespect him or our marriage. Thankful we asked this question!
24. How do you see me carrying on without you?
-Randy and I talked about this... I wanted him to be able to find love again and be happy but I did not realize the gravity of what I was asking of him. He never asked this of me and I'm grateful. i think he knew I would not be capable of moving on from him. Do you want your spouse to find love again? Do you want them to stay devoted to you and only you? What do you want them to do? What do you expect of them?
25. Is there an organization that you would like me to donate any of your possessions to?
-Sometimes people have organizations that are important to them and they’d rather items go to them.
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