I've received a few messages regarding my blog and one of the things I heard is that they enjoyed hearing stories of our relationship. Today, I would like to share with you why I feel that we worked so well.
Randy and I were a 98% match on Christian Mingle. I will admit that I'm not exactly sure how they calculate this but we were a match.
We had our first date on January 6, 2018 and we were supposed to go to el rancho grande but that date was abandoned when I cut my ankle shaving. I called my friend Alyssa to ask her what to do and she asked about potentially rescheduling, I said, "would you reschedule a first date?" to which she said "no" so I needed another plan. I asked him if he was willing to have the date at my house and he said that was fine. We ordered Chinese and watched the movie Christian Mingle. He didn't know there was a Christian Mingle movie.
We were sitting on the couch talking about our intentions and asking basic questions along the way. We both indicated that we wanted to date to find someone to marry- we were not looking to mindlessly date but date with a purpose. There was a point when he asked why my more recent relationships failed and I told him about how these boys would make demands that I wasn't willing to give into. The sad part was, I indicated that it was important for me to wait for marriage but I guess they felt I would change my mind? When they finally realized that this was something I wasn't going to give into, they walked away. Randy told me that he loved that I wanted to wait. He appreciated this part of me. He told me so many times that he was so glad that I asked him to wait because once you start having sex, you stop getting to know the person and many times, it can complicate things. Instead, We spent all that time getting to know each other and learning every bit that we could about each other. Randy's previous relationship was his ex wife and there's a lot of reasons that failed but I can tell you that she really hurt him and I worked to correct what she messed up. Randy was not used to someone loving HIM and not trying to get something from him other than his love.
I also have credited a card game called "mentally stimulate me" which is a game by Derrick Jaxn (this game also has expansion packs). This card game gives you questions and you choose A,B,C, or D. You guess what the other person chose. This game is designed to get you talking- even about the hard stuff! I knew everything I needed to know about him within a month and a half because of this game. I knew that he was a person that I could confidently continue a relationship with because of what I learned about him. What we found funny was that many of these things that we went through in this game were discussed in pre-marriage counseling. We tackled these topics. We knew where each other stood even on the very difficult topics that can be tough to talk about. I can also tell you that when Randy and I were in pre-marriage counseling, I would squeeze Randy's hand when I needed him to answer a question. He knew that I could answer intimate questions to him but couldn't answer intimate questions to another party as it is wildly outside of my comfort zone. He knew my limits and made up for what I couldn't. I think the ONLY question that was never asked was how much money he made. It never mattered to me. I didn't know how much he made until 3 months before our wedding because it was brought up in pre-marriage counseling.
Randy and I were very open and honest with each other. We talked about anything and everything. Sometimes I scared him with how well I knew him. Talking with him about anything and everything was wonderful. Randy was very supportive and I hope he felt the same way. Randy had big dreams and in 2019 I stood in the way of those dreams. He wanted to buy a house and flip it however he had just been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and undergoing chemo. I didn't feel that this was logical. I told him that when we got him to remission, he could do it. I have found so much in his storage unit about this dream of his and I hate that I stood in the way but I still don't feel it was logical given that he was fighting for his life. I wanted to support his dream and hoped that he could when he was in remission and unfortunately, he never made it that far.
Randy and I also respected each other. We made it clear early on that no matter how angry either of us may get, you don't get to belittle each other and. you don't get to walk away. I had moments when I was very upset with him but at no point did I hurt him with harsh words. I would tell him why I was upset and we work it out as a team because that is what we were- A TEAM!
We went through a lot as a couple and we always kept our relationship as the priority in our lives. We were absolutely that couple that wanted to be with each other ALL THE TIME. We were only apart while he was at work. There were plenty of people that said the reason we were like this was because we were in the "honeymoon phase" but that's not always a phase. Sometimes people love each other that much. Sometimes they just want to be with their person because that is an overflowing love and you appreciate it. We had something special and we knew it. He would look forward to coming home and I looked forward to him coming home. The 6 hours I had with him from the time he got home to the time he went to bed were my favorite hours of the day. He would come through the door and say, "hello beautiful" and give me a kiss. I would say, "hi handsome" and ask him how he was doing. Towards the end, most of our time was spent in bed just holding each other. Randy was so tired from the chemo that we would just lay in bed together.
In the end, I wholeheartedly believe that he was my soulmate and we were designed to find each other but we put in the work to make sure that we didn't hurt each other and get to know each other made a difference. We knew each other very well. We made our relationship a priority. We put each other first and we put everything we had into our marriage.
Marriage isn't 50/50... it's 100/100.
Divorce is 50/50
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