One of the things I have had to learn the hard way is that not everyone has your best interests at heart. You cannot trust everyone; that includes people you knew before the death of your spouse. This is a blanketed statement because it is all encompassing.
It is no secret that widows and widowers are preyed upon by the others. People will come out of nowhere in order to get what they want whether that be in financial, physical or emotional forms. I can honestly say that I have seen all of that in the 2 months that my husband has been gone. It's horrifying. What has horrified me even more is that people that I believed I could trust proved to me that I cannot.
I seem to have a fatal flaw of trusting someone until you prove that I can't. When Randy was alive, I sort of lived in a policy of "if Randy trusts you then I will too". Someone that Randy trusted implicitly proved that I couldn't trust them in his death. This person wanted things but equally treated me like dirt as if I would continue to roll over and play dead. When I decided I had enough and cut them off, I was suddenly the bad guy. I wish I could say I am sorry but I'm not. Everyone has their limit and I hit mine.
I equally learned that I so clearly have to watch what I say around people because the smallest thing gets taken out of context. 2 days after I lost Randy, I said, "I just want to be with him" and suddenly, I am on a suicide watch. The notion is funny because on December 16, 2019 I posted a photo of the ocean with the caption "what if I just walk in and never walk out?" but no one said anything. People only care when it is convenient for them.
I've learned that it's important to find the person that you can actually be yourself with and not live in fear of something being taken so wildly out of context. Finding that person that I can be open and honest with about how I'm feeling has has been rather difficult because I lack trust. People around me obliterated that for me.
If I could offer any advice to the newly widow/widower it would be to find that person that you can trust and go to that person. Don't step away from that person. Be open with that person alone. This person will be your best friend and confidant and it's vital in this situation. You need that person that isn't going to judge you or shame you. You need that person that isn't going to be over dramatic but instead comfort you as needed through this immensely difficult journey.
For better or worse, I am now part of the worst group. I am a newly young widow.
With that, maybe I hope to enlighten others on what this journey is like. Maybe I am hoping that people become more mindful of their words or actions. Whatever it is, thank you for following along.
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