I loved the weekends because I got my husband for every moment of those two days. I loved waking up on Saturday & Sunday mornings to his sweet face. He would kiss me and say, “good morning beautiful” and pull me into him. Randy loved to snuggle and I loved snuggling with him. I would have to get up, take my medicine, feed our birds and I’d climb back into bed to snuggle with him. There were some mornings when he would ask if I would make waffles. I actually made waffles for dinner one night because he wanted some. There were Saturday's when we had things to do but many Saturday’s were spent at home. Randy and I would spend the day in bed. We would watch movies. We would play games. I would cook dinner and he would pray over each meal. We were just so engrossed in each other. On Sunday mornings, we headed to church. We loved our church and our church friends. I honestly think it was the highlight of his week. I would have to stay out of the sanctuary during the music because the vibrations hurt me but when I began approaching the sanctuary towards the end of the music, you could hear Randy singing his heart out. Randy always said that God didn't say to make a beautiful noise but to make a joyful one. After church, we would either pick up lunch or have lunch at home. We would snuggle up on the couch and watch a movie. We spent every moment of the weekends together. I can assure you that the weekends are truly awful to me now. My days are filled with an emptiness that no one in the world can fill now. Those two weekend days are full of sorrow as I can no longer have that snuggle time. I no longer have him to wake up to and see his beautiful face. I can no longer hold his hand during the sermons or hear him sing his heart out. I can no longer binge watch shows with him or try to get him into a new show. These are so many moments that we tend to take for granted because we don't consider that time can run out. I miss it all so very much. I never took our time for granted but I miss all of it more than I could ever express. I am empty without him. Life feels meaningless. I have nothing left. Those two weekend days will always be a bottomless pit of emptiness as I can no longer spend them with him.
I’m empty. I’m alone.
PS- you can still submit any questions you may have about our relationship, marriage, his cancer, caretaking and widowhood To be answered in a future blog
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