It's no surprise that in the wake of my husband, the passions I once had are virtually nonexistent. My will to live isn't there anymore. I dont have hobbies. I am not living- I am merely surviving and I can't even tell you how.
I have a 6 minute video where Randy is telling me all these things that he loved about me. The first time he did this, I didn't get it on video and I wish I had. The next time he started, I went to turn my camera on and he didn't want me to but I begged him. You can only imagine how grateful I am that he conceded and allowed me to record it. The things he said he loved about me the second time were a little different than the first.
One of the things that Randy indicated that he loved about me was my passion for politics. My passion for politics was not always there. My passion for politics began in 2015. I had been a registered Republican since my registration in 2006. I had always voted Republican and in the primary, I voted for John Kasich (Ohio's former Governor). When Donald Trump secured the Republican Party nomination, I knew I needed to do something so that he did not win. In October of 2016, I began campaigning for Hillary Clinton by making phone calls. I was overly confident that we would win and my soul was crushed when she didn't. However, I made a promise to myself that I would do whatever it took to make sure that Donald Trump only had one term.
I closely followed politics and often shared articles or stories. I even had an album of photos that would catch attention about what was going on. I never wanted people to forget the things that had been going on during this administration. I continued to try and keep myself informed so that when the 2020 election came around, I knew what had been transpiring instead of playing catch up.
Randy watched as I would yell at the TV or talk back to the TV when Donald Trump's voice would come on because it's like nails on a chalkboard to me. He would come home and I would tell him what obnoxious thing Trump did that day. We would watch funny videos of his gaffes. My passion for politics wasn't superficial and I am always trying to learn more. I think that the only reason it began was because of my concern over what could transpire if Trump were to be elected and all those fears were warranted. The only thing we couldn't have seen was the hundreds of thousands of lives lost due to a lack of response to a global pandemic.
It is no secret that I had many reasons for campaigning so hard in this election. Joe Biden was the candidate that Randy and I intended to campaign for. I am thankful that in the end, he was the one I had the honor to campaign for after receiving the official nomination. To be fair, I would have campaigned for whoever the DNC nominated but I was so elated that the person was Joe Biden! For the first time, I was excited about a presidential candidate! Joe Biden understands the importance of health care which was a core issue for me in this election. He has a plan to contain Covid-19 because saving lives isn't political and it shouldn't be. But as a whole, I want a country that works for everyone instead of just the fortunate few.
Contrary to what you may think, my passion for politics didn't happen overnight and it isn't just because of the 2020 election. This election didn't make me "mean" for pointing out actual fake news due to the lies that Donald Trump himself perpetuates. I guess you can blame Trump for my inability to turn off this passion for politics because I never followed it this closely until Trump but politics also didn't affect our daily lives until he came into the picture.
What hurts is when people want to silence me. In my world that is already dark and lonely, you further that with some of your comments and your actions. Don't tell people to do what makes them happy or to pursue their passions when you tell them to shut up, when you walk away and abandon them. I don't have a lot to live for anymore. I already lost my husband and I haven't had many opportunities to see family due to the pandemic and you make my world that much more dim than yours and you have decided that what interests me is irrelevant. Don't tell me that you're here for me or that you support me when the one thing that fueled me for months feels irrelevant to you. I hope you realize that it's this only passion I have left that is why I am here. That campaign is the only reason I have lasted this long. I just wanted to live long enough to vote. With this, you have proven that there isn't a point in me running in 2022 because I don't feel like I would be seen or heard by the people that actually matter.
If you continue to silence me, who is the one that suffers the ultimate consequence?
If you care about me at all, stop making me feel inferior and irrelevant. Stop making me feel like anything I care about is meaningless. You did it with pageants too. I am not your glob of clay to mold and I am not your blank canvas to paint. I am my own person and you can’t make me into who you want just because it would better suit you.
How much more do you expect me to take?
How much more of an outsider do you want me to feel? If that's your goal, you win.
I dont know what you want from me anymore.
Are we back in the time where women are to be seen and not heard? Is that it?
I genuinely don't know what it is because you can't tell me to do what makes me happy, to do the things that keep me busy or pursue passions and equally want me to shut up. It doesn't work that way.
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