Some people wonder what they can say or should say in a situation where someone has lost someone. I would like to share with you some things that I have found comforting or helpful.
"I am so sorry for your loss" is standard and you can't really go wrong with it. I like to say that if you don't know what to say, just say "I'm sorry for your loss" and leave it at that. It's better than sticking your foot in your mouth.
What I found comforting was when people took it a step further and shared with me stories about my husband. The shared experiences were great! I enjoyed knowing that others remember my beloved husband fondly. Some people are so afraid of mentioning a lost loved one because they don't want to hurt the grieving person but acting as if they didn't exist actually hurts more. Talking about him is of comfort to me. One example is a woman at church came to me, afraid of upsetting me but wanted to tell me how much she misses Randy's presence in the church. It is truly comforting to know that I am not the only person that is missing him. Please, tell me these things! It means a lot!
I didn't have a lot of time with my husband so hearing these stories were so wonderful. I really enjoyed hearing the stories that I probably wouldn't otherwise have heard. Since I don't have a relationship with his family, these are stories that Randy didn't tell me or think to tell me are very wonderful to hear. Sometimes people would tell me stories that we all shared together as a sweet reminder and it would make me smile.
I had a few people that would provide a reassurance. They would tell me, "Randy loved you so much. He was always saying 'I love my wife' and always talking about you" or something to that affect. These statements were helpful. They were comforting.
Continuing a life without him is difficult but it is helpful to have these people share these stories and the comfort of reassurance has been a blessing.
Sometimes it is important to know what is helpful and what isn't. Today, I just wanted to take a moment to share what I felt what was helpful for me because maybe it will be helpful to someone in your life.
Comments