As many know, I lost my Stormy Weathers in 2018 after he developed testicular cancer. He died while we were on our vacation in Clearwater. To this day, I have not returned to where I lost him because it is haunting and painful.
I've had people ask if I have the same feelings towards my home because that's where I lost him. I have always said no because with Randy, it's different. It's completely different.
However, I am currently sitting on our couch that we got last summer which is a head on view of where his hospital bed stood and it just hit me. I have not sat on this thing since then and the only reason I am currently on this couch is because a dishwasher is being installed. I have avoided the main floor since his passing. I don't watch the tv on the main floor. I don't sit on the couches where we once snuggled together. It's really hard for me and as I look at that area where his bed was, it is a haunting feeling. Watching his beautiful life slip away before me has been the most difficult thing I have ever had to face- and I have faced a lot in my life.
At this point, I don't know when I will be able to look at that area and not see those final hours. If I will be able to look at that area and not see those final hours.
You can't underestimate how much this has traumatized me and how much it haunts me because it has in more ways that you can imagine.
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