I cannot believe that I am even writing this but I kind of feel the need to.
For a little over a year, I've had comments on my weight loss. It was not a surprise that I was losing weight because of the stress I was dealing with because of Randy's cancer. I struggled to eat and I struggled to sleep. Finding out that your soon-to-be husband has cancer and you are in the fight for his life is unbelievably stressful. It takes a toll on the fighter and the loved ones. My doctor made a comment about it every single time I saw him which is every single month. He was not the only one to make comments. I had a few dress fittings before our wedding and my dress was loose on wedding day. I actually ate a lot of ice cream in the 2 weeks leading up to the wedding because I knew that this dress was going to be loose. My dress was loose and his mother made comments about it not "fitting" and why didn't I get it altered. We did. We made multiple trips to Cambridge for it. This was something so clearly out of my control. I put this into terms that Randy could attempt to understand. When Randy met me, my dress size was around 18-20. I'll grant you that the issue with that is my boobs but that's the dress size I was at when we met. The vera wang dress I wore for our engagement photos as a size 22. The white dress I wore to our dinner reception was a size 14. That all happened within 4 months. This is the level of stress I was dealing with because of cancer.
When Randy was admitted into the hospital for the last time, I was struggling to eat anything. I was aggressively unhungry and quite frankly, nauseated! People kept telling me that I needed to eat because I needed strength for Randy. I told them "well he isn't eating either." At one point, someone tried to get him in on it and he just gave me a look. I think he knew how hard all of this was for me. He knew I was struggling. He had already been encountering the months of me struggling and this was no different. I agreed to eat 1 meal per day. I am not hungry but that is what I agreed to do at the behest of friends and family. So it really shouldn't be a surprise that when I ran away, my swim dress leggings were falling off of me.
I went to see my doctor this month and they always ask if I'm experiencing any side effects from my medicine and I told them that I am still dealing with acid reflux that I began experiencing when I was switched to these capsules instead of the tablets I was on. My doctor said if I lose a few pounds, it should take some pressure off of it and alleviate it a little. I was horrified and all I could get out was "go ask my mom how much I eat" as she was awaiting to see him in the next room. I cried off and on from the moment I got home. I am horrified. I do not know why anyone would make such a comment especially after so many months of commenting on the weight loss.
I don't care who you are or what your intent is, please NEVER comment on the weight of a widow. It's not cute. It's not funny. It's not helpful. Do not ask what their "diet trick" is. Do not even insinuate that maybe they should lose weight. You will cause more damage. Leave it alone. Leave the widow alone.
ps- you can still submit any questions you may have about our relationship, marriage, cancer, caretaking or widow life to be answered in a future blog
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