Today, I would love to share with you a piece of our story. I feel this piece is very important and it's honestly one of my favorite things to share in regards to our story. Please bear with me as this story is intertwined with others.
Within the first month of meeting/dating me, Randy took notice to a scar on my wrist. He asked me, "What's that scar from?" to which I reply, "myself". He stared at me with a blank expression, trying to understand what it was that I was trying to tell him. When it was clear that Randy was not understanding, I told him that in 2014, there was a suicide attempt and that is the scar from that attempt. I then went on to tell him that when I arrived home, there was a movie called "Dolphin Tale" on HBO. There were two lines that stood out in this movie. "We can't make her want to live; she is going to have to do that on her own." and "Just because you're hurt doesn't mean you're broken." These two quotes struck me so hard that I turned over all of my razor blades to my father. I kept going because that dolphin inspired me to.
My first opportunity to see the Clearwater Marine Aquarium came in 2015 and I fell in love. This place is amazing! The Clearwater Marine Aquarium is a non-profit organization that is a working hospital for marine life. The animals that are unable to be released have a forever home. This is a place of love and inspiration and I was in awe of it!
I went back in 2016 where I then participated in the trainer for a day program. I got to play with Hope the dolphin as well as Ricky the great white pelican and Walle the river otter! I had the honor of meeting many of the staff members and hearing some of the stories from filming the two movies. I left that day crying because that day was a blessing- it also happened to be my birthday and it was such an amazing day. I am always grateful for that day.
I met my husband on January 6, 2018. My mom and I had already begun planning this Florida trip for September 2018 and at some point I mentioned to Randy that if he wanted to come, he was welcome to. In the month leading up to this trip, my life was shaken. My ESA was a budgie named Stormy and he had just been diagnosed with testicular cancer. Stormy went with me on all of my trips and this would be no exception. We always gave him a countdown and told him when we would be in Clearwater since he didn't seem to like Daytona.
On September 18, 2018 I woke up and knew that this was the last day. I knew that this was it. I posted a photo of Stormy on Facebook with the caption "bracing for impact".
Stormy arrived in clearwater and made it to his favorite beach. The final hour of his life was spent on the beach. Stormy passed away in my hands at 6:29PM. I remember looking at the sunset and knowing that nothing would ever be the same again.
I am the person that needs to grieve by myself and my lovely husband is the person that wants to hold you. It created tension because I needed to be left alone and he wouldn't give me that. He was trying very hard to be there for me and I couldn't allow it. I needed to grieve the loss of my Stormy in my way. This was our first loss as a couple so Randy had no idea on how to comfort me or be there for me in the midst of this grief.
On September 23, 2018 we had our day at the Clearwater Marine Aquarium. Randy watched the movies with me but this was his first time visiting the organization. We signed up for the trainer for a day program. We were set to begin at 11AM so we were there by the opening. I know we both really enjoyed it. It was such an incredible experience and to have those memories with Randy mean everything- especially now! Randy not only enjoyed playing with Hope the dolphin but he really enjoyed playing with Walle the river otter! He really enjoyed his personality.
I was told I needed to be by the "Winter Zone" by 4:30. Randy and I sat on the benches, waiting for whatever was planned. I had suspicions. A lady from the inspiration team came out and I was told I was finally going to get to meet Winter! Keep in mind, this was at the top of my bucket list! I was elated! They told us they had to get everything ready and then we could go out onto the platform.
When we went out onto the platform, they had us with a trainer named Brooke and Winter was in the back pool. She told us that they were teaching her a new trick and asked us for our help. Our goal was to maintain her attention while they place a toy at the other side of the pool and we would then send her to get it. I sat there waving to her and talking to her before we went her to get the toy. That toy was a buoy. That buoy read "Ashaleigh will you marry me?"
Randy picked it up from the water and. handed it to me. I cracked a stupid grin on my face and said, "of course!"
I am so grateful for this one beautiful day in the midst of so much heartbreak.
I am also so grateful to have this incredible engagement story that we always enjoyed sharing! When we would share about how he proposed through Winter the dolphin, jaws would drop. Who gets proposed to through a dolphin?!
I did.... because my husband knew me. He knew that meeting Winter was #1 on my bucket list and he reached out and made this happen. It still brings a smile to my face because of this beautiful day. I am forever grateful for it.
Thank you to the CMA staffers that made that day possible. Thank you so much for this very memorable day. It's a blessing to say that our journey to marriage started with the dolphin that inspired me to keep going when I wanted to quit.
The day that Randy passed away, I heard from the CMA staffers who expressed their condolences and how much they enjoyed meeting him. They loved that they were part of our story.
I went to CMA a month after Randy passed away. CMA blessed me with time with Hope, some of the behind the scenes looks- including an underwater viewing of Nicholas!
I also got to see Winter for a moment! I waved to her and talked to her for a minute before they sent Hope back over.
I got to see Bill Potts and David Yates which is always awesome. This day was beautiful and I am grateful. I was shaken at the thought of returning after that beautiful day without him but Randy was ever present. I know he was. I feel his presence frequently.
There are some things in life that we have to do no matter how much it may scare us. I didn't want to go to CMA and cry all day because of the memories we made there. There were times I cried but there were many moments I smiled. This was part of our story and it will always be part of our story.
In Randy's honor, a paver has now been placed at the Clearwater Marine Aquarium.
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