Do you ever get overwhelmed by the daily things you have to do, realizing you have to do them every single day for the rest of your life? For instance, you have to brush your teeth, twice a day, every single day and go to the bathroom multiple times a day. You have to eat every day... I have maintained my promise to eat 1 meal a day and I haven't managed to go beyond that. I get so overwhelmed thinking about it.. all of it. There are so many days where I cannot find it in me to take a shower and eventually, I cannot even remember when I last took a shower.
Today, I needed to take a long hot shower because of my sinuses. I have not shaved my legs in weeks because that requires more effort than I have to give. Since I was in the shower for awhile, I decided to finally shave my legs. When Randy was alive, he would tell me that he didn't care if I shaved my legs or not but he did care if I didn't shave my armpits. Mind you, I did care. Since his passing, it is very difficult to find reason to do some of the most basic things. I still have not brushed my hair today- and that's something that is super easy! I receive calls or text
messages and then often times drag my feet in replying. Many times, I don’t even know what to say to people.
I drag my feet on doing these things constantly. I don't feel like I have reason anymore. Randy was my reason. Randy was my reason for living and he knew it. He was my reason for getting out of bed in the morning. These every day tasks are very difficult to do when I really don't want to do anything. Many days, I don't even want to be alive.
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