**PROCEED WITH CAUTION**
I'm going to place a disclaimer here that this particular blog is not for children as it will contain sensitive content.
My last date with Randy took place on November 2, 2019. I called this "Randy Date Day" because he was to choose everything. I even told him to choose my dress. Randy actually chose a dress that I didn't really wear because I never felt comfortable in it but he loved me in it. I did my makeup the way he liked it and I curled my hair. I wanted to look pretty for him for this special date.
This was a date that I had been plotting since October 15, 2019. This was a particular date that I wanted to make special for Randy. Why was this date so special? Because on this date, I was determined to fulfill his fantasy that he told me about before we got married and I finally had a plan. I told him that day that I had a plan in place to make his fantasy happen and he was speechless. He asked me if I was messing with him or if I was serious. I told him I was dead serious. He knew this was something I wanted to do for him and now I had found a way to make it happen. Needless to say, he was excited for this date.
After I was ready to go, Randy noticed that there was a Pokemon Go event happening but only if you purchased this special pass. He logged into our accounts and bought us a pass. For the record, I am not the person that likes to pay for anything on this app. He liked to go into my account and buy me coins or whatever. In fact, I noticed after his passing that he expanded my Pokemon storage. This pass that he purchased allowed us to play in the Regi raids. We did a few of them before he wanted to have a burrito at Taco Bell.
Taco Bell was one of Randy's favorite restaurants. He never turned down Taco Bell. The last time we were at Taco Bell, he was telling a worker about how someone clearly doesn't know how to fold the tacos because they were coming undone. She asked if he wanted to show them how to do it and he said, "No thanks. I quit Taco Hell years ago. I don't want to go back." I laughed. I understood exactly what he meant because my mom and brother worked there too. This time, the tacos were folded correctly and he was impressed with the difference.
When we got in the car, we placed our drinks in the cup holders where the lemonade from that day still sits today. We went home for a little bit to play with our birds and to rest. Randy and I laid in bed and took about an hour nap before we got up and started getting ready for the evening. Our roommate said she would put the birds to bed that night so it was just us for the night.
My parents were out of town for the evening and they allowed us to use their house. My dad put out firewood into the fire pit. They also got the hot tub up and running for us. We arrived at their house and Randy wanted to rest after taking his pain medicine. He was hopeful that it would work since it did the previous evening. I had to go grab something so I left him at the house with his dinner while I ran an errand. When I came back, he had not eaten dinner but was still curled up on the couch. "Do you want me to go start the fire?" I ask him. "If you want to." he replies. "No. This night is for you, my love. This is about what you want." I tell him. "Can we go in the hot tub?" he asks. "Yes. We can. But I need it to get a little darker outside first." I tell him. "You didn't bring swimsuits, did you?" he says with a smirk on his face. "No. I did not." I chuckle. To be fair, I had no intention of bringing them to begin with.
Within about 20 minutes, it was very dark outside. Randy and I went in the bathroom and got undressed and then covered ourselves in the towels that were laid out for us. It was very cold and windy out this night. Randy and I quickly went over to the hot tub and got in. Once you're in the hot tub, you don't really realize that it is cold out... until you get out.
This is where I am going to disclose info that is sensitive.
It is your choice to read from here on out.
Randy indicated to me that his fantasy was to have sex outside. This was a very difficult concept for me because I am the person that will be to terrified of getting caught. Randy knew that but equally knew that I wanted to do this for him. Randy knew there was little that I wouldn't do for him. However, I couldn't think of a way to do this for him because of where we live. I live in the suburbs! Where on earth can you do this and not get caught?! I finally went to mom asking for help because this was something I really wanted to do for him but I couldn't think of a way. She gave me a solution on a silver platter. With them away for the evening, we had the house, the fire, the hot tub and all the time alone to do as we wish.
Originally, my plan was to take him to the fire pit, with blankets, and have him by the fire. I figured that between the fire, the blankets and body heat, we would be capable of keeping warm. The fire pit never happened. We went straight to the hot tub. For a few minutes we sat on opposite sides talking before I went over to him to kiss him. Sometimes he needed a moment because his lungs were being pushed on by his liver (liver was pushing his diaphragm which was pushing his lungs). He needed to take a moment to take a few deep breaths. In that time I was telling him about how my doctor asked me if I had been doing self breast exams and I told him no. The doctor asked me why and I told him it would require me to care. Randy decided to examine me. I think he was playing more than examining but he said he was being thorough. Randy always told me that if he was "standing" that it was fair game. Randy examining me made him "stand". I laughed and said "fair game!" He laughed and agreed. I went over to him and started kissing him all over again and then I was on him. The hot tub proved to be a little complicated than either of us imagined as we were sliding.We attempted a few different ways. We had fun but eventually, Randy was tired and wanted to go inside. We got out, we covered the hot tub and got inside as quickly as possible! SO COLD!! I asked Randy if it counts because the hot tub did have a privacy fence around it and he said it counted. Mission accomplished.
Randy and I both wanted to use a swing that I got at my bachelorette party that goes on a doorway. We brought it with us, believing we would have the opportunity to use it but we didn't. It remains new in the box.
This photo was taken when we got back inside! WARMTH!
Once we were inside, Randy was touching his stomach and telling me how bad it hurt. He said that he had 4 more days of pain. I told him 4 more days until it's gone. He laughed at me, telling me that I'm supposed to be the negative one in this relationship. I needed to be the positive one if Randy was being negative. We were a good balance for each other especially in these times. His oncologist believed there to be a fluid buildup in his belly that was causing the discomfort and the paracentesis to drain it was scheduled for November 6, 2019.
I have thought about this conversation relentlessly because, in the end, we were both right. He had 4 more days of pain but he had 4 more days until it was gone as we lost him in the early morning hours of November 6, 2019.
Randy and I got dressed and went to bed. My mom had placed Reese's Cups on our pillows because that was Randy's favorite candy. She had some left over from Halloween and thought of us. We took the Reese's cups with us where both remain sitting on my table. Unfortunately, Randy said that the bed was too hard on him so he wanted to sleep on the couch. I remained in the bed but I heard him get up and go to the bathroom throughout the night. I heard him vomiting relentlessly. While I don't know that anything was coming up, I know that he was in there retching throughout the night.
I cannot even express how grateful I am for this final date day. This was a day full of love. This was a day full of everything Randy wanted. I can look back on this day and smile because this was the last good day and we spent it together and we spent it how Randy wanted. Even though our entire relationship was full of love, this particular day was about him and the love I had for him. I didn't only tell him how much I loved him, but I showed him how much I loved him by how I cared for him and with affection. We were a very affectionate couple within our home. We were always holding hands. I would distract him from his games by randomly kissing him. I would snuggle up to him all the time and sometimes he snuggled up to me. We were very affectionate and always loved on each other. This day was no different and I wouldn't have changed anything about this day other than how he physically felt because of what was happening within him.We were always doing things for each other and this day is just one example.
To my mom, thank you so much for your help in making this happen for him. Without you, none of it would have been possible. I am grateful and I know he was too. This day was a gift. Thank you.
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