I can tell that people have been walking on egg shells around me because they are so afraid of hurting me. I have noticed that people are afraid to sharing how much they miss his presence. Let me reassure you that these are not things that hurt me. I have said so many times that it isn't the memories that we had that will bring me to my knees and make me burst into tears but instead, it is the knowing of what we will never have that haunts me now and forever.
1. He will never get to go on the May cruise that we were gifted in Christmas of 2018 (saying of course that it's not cancelled due to coronavirus).
2. We will never get to renew our wedding vows on the beach as we had planned to do on that cruise.
3. We will never get to swim with dolphins together which was to be our anniversary gift to each other.
4. He will never get to open the birthday card I had for him as his birthday was 6 days after his passing.
5. We will never get to celebrate ONE year of marriage together.
6. We will never get to go back to Gatlinburg and check out the things we wanted to see or do but couldn't during our honeymoon.
7. We will never get to eat our 1 year wedding cake.
8. We will never get to use our 3 free trips that we won from a bridal show.
9. He will never get to have the tattoo of my RSD ribbon to match me.
10. We will never get to do our wedding reshoots.
11.He will never get to do online classes to get his certification of digital photography and potentially go into business together.
12. We will never get to fill our wedding photo albums together.
13. We will never get to empty our penny jar.
14. We will never get to go to CMA and meet the stars of Dolphin Tale.
15. He will never get to wear his new glasses that came in 2 weeks after his passing.
16. We will never get to buy our ranch home. 17. Randy will never get the dog he wanted and looked forward to having one day.
18. Randy’s dreams of flipping homes will never come to pass. 19. We will never get to visit all 50 states together
20. We will never get to go on a trip abroad (we hoped to use our bridal expo voucher to go to Australia)
21. We will never get to use our trip that I won to Brown County, Indiana
22. We will never get the opportunity to sit and file a joint tax return together.
23. He will never get to wear the wedding rings we won on a consistent basis- or even on the cruise as we had planned on wearing our matching bands together.
24. He will never get to see our wedding photos put up on the wall (if we ever get prints that don't make us look DEAD!)
25. I will never get the opportunity to grow in my learning from him and grow as a person because of him.
26. He will never get the opportunity to see the movies that he was excited for.
27. We will never get to find a sand dollar together (yes, that was something we really wanted to accomplish together)
28. He will never get to see me finish the long awaited book that he constantly encouraged me to finish. He was definitely a wonderful cheerleader.
29. I will never get to see him accomplish all of the things he dreamed of.
There are so many things that I feel as though I will be forever haunted. This is a short list of the things that haunt me on a consistent basis.
30. We will never get to finish watching some of our favorite shows together.
Honestly, these are only some of them but they are ones that sometimes really haunt me.
Some of us are not blessed with time and we happened to be one of them. To the ones that are blessed with time, NEVER take that blessing for granted because there are couples like us that wish we had been given time. Although I know that nothing in life is fair, there's nothing fair about the card we have been dealt. If found him only to lose him in such a short period of time. But, I will always love him. He will always be my one and only.
I love you, my Randy. Always and forever
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