Everything changes

When you lose your spouse, your whole world as you know it now has forever changed.

Your beating heart is completely destroyed.

The future dream that you had of growing old together is now just misery in the form of tears fallen down your face with every memory that you remember.

No one that hasn't felt this pain, will understand no matter how hard they try.

You hold their pillow so tight, just to smell their scent.

You see little odds and ends of their possessions lying around and you start crying, knowing that it was a piece of them and what they loved.

You look back at the photos, seeing their smiling face and then you think, “I remember that day.”

You pick up your phone for a call or a simple text message, but then remember, they won't answer you.

You leave so excited to go home, but then remember, loneliness awaits there.

You hear that song playing, that they loved so much and it either brings a smile to your face or tears to your eyes.

How will you move forward? You feel it deep down. And no one will ever fill that void that you miss so much. So you push everyone away that may give you a new life because you're still in love with them. Being such an empty shell, with memories of that one true love.

Not caring anymore because you're different now. Your soul is damaged and that has no fix.

You've prayed to God, asking to tell them you love and miss them so much and you hope that they've received the message.

You wish if they could only come back to visit and to let you know that they are okay.

I feel this everyday and night while trying to move forward. But moving forward is not so easy and only those that have walked this journey will ever fully understand.