“Did he hide how bad it was”

When Randy was in the hospital, I was hit with "Did you guys hide how serious this was?" and I was horrified at the idea that we kept how serious his condition is. Why? Because even though we limited information that was going out, when it became serious, we laid all the cards on the table! We needed people to be able to prepare if this was going to go south.

This was a question I was hit with soon after Randy’s passing and I didn’t think a whole lot about it at first. I was quick to shut it down because I know with ever fiber of my being that he wouldn’t have done that even if I wasn’t at every appointment. It was not possible to hide it because I was present. I was at those appointments because I supported my husband and never wanted him to feel alone. As this question continues to roll in, I actually become more upset over it. The reason for that is, the level of disrespect you would have to have towards your spouse to hide that. If you hide how serious your illness is, you either don’t care about the feelings of your spouse or you don’t trust your spouse. Either way, that’s wrong on so many levels. You should not ever hide something like this because you "don't want them to worry". Let your spouse be there for you! Let them have that honor of caring for you when you need it most! Furthermore, Randy and I had this discussion in June after he hid his fevers from me in May. I told him that I cannot properly care for him if he hides these things. He never hid anything from me again. I knew every single detail from that point on. If he vomited at work, he texted me. If he was feeling dizzy, he told me.There were no details left out after this conversation. He understood that I needed this from him to care for him properly. This question is very upsetting. I want you to carefully consider what it is that you’re asking. You’re asking if I was absent in my husband’s battle. I was present. You’re asking if my husband didn’t trust me. He did. You’re asking if my husband didn’t care about my feelings. He did. We were in this fight together. It was not humanly possible for this to be hidden. Please be careful with your words and your questions.