This is the one area I wish people would sit down and shut up on.
Every single widow/widower has the right to make the decision to rejoin the dating pool or not. It is their choice-not yours and I wish people would stop trying to push their feelings upon the widow/widower.
Randy and I had many conversations on a life without the other. Essentially, we both said we would not date or marry again. I will always feel married to Randy, even in death. I married that man. I vowed my life to that man. He is forever my husband. I have no interest in dating anyone and have someone attempt to step into his shoes. They're rather large shoes that no one in the world can fill. This wasn't a break up. This wasn't a choice. My husband DIED. This isn't something that you just "get over". You can't have a girls night, get drunk and feel better, believing that Mr. Right is around the corner. I had my Mr. Right and I watched him die before my very eyes. Do you see and understand the difference?
Furthermore, only my inner circle knows the hell I went through that led me to my Randy. I would much rather live in our little infinity, knowing what we had we real and beautiful. We had a love and a story that many never get to experience in their lifetime. We had a lifetime of experiences in such a short time. I know that. I acknowledge that. I don't want to take away from what we had by hurting myself in subjecting myself to someone else that will hurt me. Ultimately, I would feel like I am betraying my husband. It would feel like I am cheating.
Everyone has the right to make the decision for themselves and this is mine. Please don't tell me that I am too young to be alone because I would rather be alone than have anyone hurt me more than I've already been hurt. I don't want anyone to take from what I had with Randy. I don't want anyone to consume my thoughts that are always on him. Randy is my forever and I genuinely don't want anyone else. Please respect that. Please don't try to push your feelings upon the surviving spouse. You cannot and will not understand this side until it is you. This is also when I will highly encourage you to go through those 25 questions I have posted.
In that post, I delicately worded "How do you see me carrying on in a life without you" because while some want their spouse to find another, some do not. Have these conversations! They're important! Don't wait until it's too late and wish you did.
Randy and I had many conversations because it was our harsh reality but I'm grateful that we knew exactly where each other stood. If you do this, you will be grateful in the end. Trust me.
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