I cannot even express how sexist I feel it is that I have had to fight over and over again with pieces of his estate because he took my name.
My very first complication arose when I had to get the title of our car transferred into my name. I had our marriage license, his two identifications that show that change in names, his two social security cards that show the change and apparently, that was not enough. I got so frustrated that I asked the woman, "Would my husband have this same problem if it had been in my name, I had taken his name and I had died?" to which I was told "No." If that doesn't tell you that all of this is sexist, nothing will. Someone at the BMV then asked, "What do they do for gay people? Some of them hyphenate their names." I'm over here nodding because that's true too. Some of them are boys too!!! I then hear the comment that still irritates me to this day. "Marriage is much more fluid now than it used to be."
My husband did not take my name because I asked him to. I never asked him to take my name. I cannot believe this is a constant battle in regards to his estate!
I received an overpayment check from Verizon after I closed his account which was written to Randy and his former name.I eventually took it to the bank and asked them if I needed to have Verizon write a new check. It took about 15 minutes to get it sorted out because obviously our joint bank account has the married name on it. I brought my folder of info about him and his passing with me so that they would have anything they could need.
These are two prime examples of a flawed system. There are men out there who do take the name of their wife. It is becoming more and more common. Why are we punishing the widow for this decision? If the widower does not face the same complications, the widow shouldn't either.
(yes, my name was fixed after taking this photo)
p.s. you can still submit any question that you may have about our relationship, marriage, cancer, caretaking or widow life to be answered in a future blog post
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